"If you laugh, let the laughter shake your very foundations. If you cry, become your tears; let your heart be poured out through tears. If you hug somebody, then become the hug. If you kiss somebody, then just be the lips, then be just the kiss. And you will be surprised how much you have been missing, how much you have missed, how you have lived up to now in a lukewarm way."
Some people tumble into your world and come out different, and you become changed, and forever you aren’t one anymore, but you’re more— oh, so much more. You’ve been wrecked and turned upside down and you might even have gone so close to love that it could have been hatred; just a push, a dead hope, and you’d be a goner. Only you didn’t, because they were worth it, always, always, always. So many of your tears wear their names, but when you look back you can’t tell the bitter from the sweet. Because without them you wouldn’t be you. In the end, these are the people who make you grow. Their friendship is high pressure water to your soul, it leaves it clean, raw, true.
Maybe I’m crying because these heartbeat-old memories scream the promise of a thousand suns, as time constantly polishes them into something brighter. How did we ever deserve such goodness? The joy of it hurts.
agnus, dona nobis pacem
missa solemnis, beethoven
"He was born in fury and he lived in lighting. Tome came headlong in life. He was a giant in joy and enthusiasms. He didn’t discover the world and its people, he created them. When he read his father’s books, he was the first. He lived in a world shining and fresh and as uninspected as Eden on the sixth day. His mind plunged like a colt in a happy pasture, and when later the world put up fences he plunged against the wire, and when the final stockade surrounded him, he plunged right through it and out. And as he was capable of giant joy, so did he harbor huge sorrow, so that when his dog died the world ended."
John Steinbeck, East of Eden
somewhere inside something broke loose
and let the wilderness in
the wind roars like a pounding heart